


If I Lose Myself

by jadesolo



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: ;), Angst and Humor, Angst with a Happy Ending, Everyone ships Fitzsimmons, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Kissing, Shipper!Daisy, oh and did i mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-09
Updated: 2015-11-09
Packaged: 2018-04-30 19:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5176700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jadesolo/pseuds/jadesolo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Jemma finds out Fitz has volunteered to go on a manhunt for Lash with the rest of the team, she tries to convince him not to go....</p>
            </blockquote>





	If I Lose Myself

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Written as a prompt for ohreginamills on Tumblr, specifically for "FS+ Can I kiss you?". Major thanks to cosmiclaras, because she basically helped with the entire plot of this fic and how everything was going to happen in it, as well as the fact that she even beta-ed for me as well.  
> Hope you all enjoy!

The hallways of the Playground had never seemed longer to Jemma Simmons. It felt like they stretched out infinitely as she rounded several corners, desperate to get to the locker room. She had to stop him. She had to. The second May had informed her of the ground crew going in to capture (or execute at this point) Lash, she felt like she was going to be sick. Instantly she had turned around and ran, ran as fast as her legs could carry her and perhaps even faster as she had stumbled more than once. 

Finally, she breached the doorway of the locker room. Standing with his back to her was Fitz, already in his black field gear. She hesitated, remembering another day, another war. Another Jemma Simmons. She took a deep, shaky breath. "Don't go."

Fitz froze, halfway through filling his backpack. He turned around to face her. "Jemma-?" 

"Don't go," Jemma repeated. "Please."

"I-I don't have a choice." He said it with such a finality that it broke her heart. As if he knew what his odds of coming back were, and he'd resigned himself to them. "If we don't stop Lash, he'll kill Daisy and Lincoln, and every other Inhuman he can get his hands on."

"Exactly!" Jemma cried. "You saw what he's done to the Inhumans, Fitz. Imagine what he could do to-" she trailed off, not wanting to voice the fear that had always haunted her, ever since Fitz had taken that first mission at the bloody Hub. That one day he would go off on a mission and not come back. That Coulson would walk up to her, not saying a word, but his eyes saying everything. 

Even still, the rest of her sentence hung in the air like a smoke cloud. _Imagine what he could do to_ you.

Fitz hung his head. "Jemma...." there was a tone to his voice that she didn't recognize, which was startling in itself given how well she knew Fitz. It sounded almost like concern and exasperation. Concern for  _her_. And exasperation about her worrying about him. "I have to do this, you know that."

"Coulson and Lance and Mack are all going in along with twenty other agents, why do you need to go too?" He didn't say anything in return, but there was look in his eyes that betrayed his silence, a look that told her she was about to get to the truth. "Answer me, Leo."

He seemed more interested in his shoes. "I don't-"

"Don't say you don't have a choice, Fitz!" Jemma snapped. "I know all about not having a choice-and this does not qualify as one of those moments. There's more than one engineer on this base, so.... _why?"_ _  
_

"I have to do something, Jemma!" Fitz burst, looking up at her finally. "Every time you or Daisy have been in trouble, I haven't been able to do a bloody thing. I couldn't stop you from jumping out of that damn plane, I couldn't stop Quinn from shooting Daisy. I couldn't even stop Ward from dropping us in the middle of the ocean! And then-" he stopped for a moment, and Jemma stared at him for a moment, taken aback by this outburst. Finally, Fitz spoke again but in a much more even and measured tone. "Then you with the monolith."

"Fitz-" she shook her head and took a  few steps forward, tears blurring her vision. "I didn't give you a chance to stop me. And you saved my life down in that pod, even at the cost of yours and so much more. And Daisy being shot, the monolith-none of that is your fault. And you don't need to try and get yourself killed in order to prove that you're-you're good enough!"

He snapped his eyes up to meet hers. She hesitated for a moment, realizing how close in proximity they were to each other. Their chests were barely a inch away from each other; she could feel the fabric of his gear against her hands when she shifted her weight. She tried to ignore the fact that her heart felt like it was doing a least a hundred miles an hour. 

This close up, she noticed everything she hadn't before about Fitz. His strong jawline, how smooth his stubble was-and she couldn't help but imagine how that stubble would feel against the palm of her hand-and how hypnotic his eyes were. They were the most startling shade of blue she'd ever seen before, as deep and dark as the ocean, as lulling and luring as the water.

The words escaped her lips even before she could stop herself. "Can you kiss me?"

Fitz looked frozen, like a deer caught in the headlights. "I mean-I didn't-you're obviously-it's not important-" She stammered.

He reached forward tentatively but quickly all at once, cupping her face in his rough and calloused hands, but he was so _gentle_ with her. Her mouth already partly open, he leaned forward and his lips fell against hers. His lips were soft and smelled like cherry-who knew Fitz used chapstick?-and the stubble on his chin tickled against hers, but she didn't care. All that mattered was  _him._ She placed her hands against his chest, taking fist-fulls of his gear, pulling him even closer to her. He mumbled something against her lips, but she couldn't hear due to all the awful noises they were making, but she was blind even to that. 

She removed one of her hands from its' death grip on the fabric of his gear, and her fingers wound their way into his dirty blonde curls. He was bloody good at this, she thought dazedly. How much practice had he had? His breath was hot and ragged, but then she was certain hers was too. His lips were smooth against hers, pulling her toward him, and every time he pulled away, he returned a second later, tilting his head slightly at times to get at a better angle. 

Then there was a small squeal that neither of them made. "OH. MY. GOD." 

Instantly, the two of them broke apart, electrified. Standing in the doorway was Daisy, some sort of gadget in her hand that Jemma prayed didn't have a camera on it. Daisy's eyes were wide, and she was pointing to the two of them, mouth dropped in a perfect 'o' of surprise. "I'm...uh, going to uh-go.....Kissing wants you-I mean, Coulson wants you. Bye."

With that, she took off out the door. Jemma laughed, unable to help herself. Fitz laughed too, as they stepped back toward each other. He leaned forward once more, planting a soft and sweet kiss on her lips before pulling away and touching his forehead to hers.

* * *

Coulson looked up as Daisy reappeared at the hanger doors. "Where's Fitz?"

"He's, um...indisposed at the moment." Daisy responded, a small grin playing on her lips.

"Indisposed?" Coulson repeated, his mouth a line and his eyebrows furrowed.

"They're making Ron and Hermione look like amateurs." Daisy continued, raising her eyebrows, her entire expression practically screaming,  _Come on, AC, catch up._

Lance looked up from his backpack. Standing next to Mack, he looked almost as short as Jemma. His eyebrow was quirked up, knowingly. 

"Huh?" 

"They're making out!" Daisy burst, unable to contain her excitement and a little squeal. Coulson turned at least seventy shades of red as Lance stood up and held out a hand to Mack, not even looking toward the taller man. "Twenty bucks. Pay up, mate."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Mack said, pulling out a wadded up twenty from his pocket and placing it in Lance's hand. "Remind me to never place bets on Turbo and English again, will ya?" 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Some notes about this fic: one it's heavily inspired by the scene from S.O.S. as well as the Doctor/River scene from Name of the Doctor. The name of the fic is taken from OneRepublic's song which is one of the main songs I listened to while writing this (along with In My Veins by Andrew Bell and Breathe by Of Verona).  
> Hope you enjoyed the fic! Feel free to comment!


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